"Ruby had felt it then. The audacious hope of rooted things.
The innocent anticipation of the shooting stalks,
the quivering stillness of the watching trees.
” - Cynthia Bond
Tulips from my friend Tim's garden
I wanted to post an update today because I am feeling much more hopeful. This morning I went for a run and the thought finally clicked "I am going to leave teaching." I think that up until that point it was something I wanted to do, but really didn't know if it was possible. It didn't help that all of my coworkers are in my same boat, Teachers talk to each other a lot and I never hear anyone say, "I love this job. It is so amazing. I feel fulfilled. I feel appreciated." Instead we say things to each other like, "I am breaking down. I don't know how much longer I can do this. Can you believe [insert unbelievable event] happened?! My family is concerned for me." And yet we each convince ourselves to show up each day.
The arguments for staying put are clear and I have repeated them every single day for the last 8 years. The arguments in favor of doing something new (and, as of now, unknown) are not so clear. But moving into uncharted territory is something I have done before. I remember having a similar feeling when I left the LDS church and also when I got divorced. Those were scary things to do, but I was so much happier after I did them. When I think about doing something new, I feel lighter, happier, and more hopeful.
I also know that looking for a job will go much better if I am in a place of peace and positivity. I plan to leverage the power of the universe (I know that is a bold statement) to move in the direction of the life I want to be living. I don't know how long it will take, but it feels possible.
I feel happy to even have a glimmer of hope and to start moving in a new direction. I plan to write more often and really move towards the things that bring me to life.