Sunday, April 19, 2015


"Ruby had felt it then. The audacious hope of rooted things. 
The innocent anticipation of the shooting stalks,
the quivering stillness of the watching trees.
” - Cynthia Bond
Tulips from my friend Tim's garden

I wanted to post an update today because I am feeling much more hopeful.  This morning I went for a run and the thought finally clicked "I am going to leave teaching."  I think that up until that point it was something I wanted to do, but really didn't know if it was possible.  It didn't help that all of my coworkers are in my same boat,  Teachers talk to each other a lot and I never hear anyone say, "I love this job.  It is so amazing.  I feel fulfilled.  I feel appreciated."  Instead we say things to each other like, "I am breaking down.  I don't know how much longer I can do this.  Can you believe [insert unbelievable event] happened?!  My family is concerned for me."  And yet we each convince ourselves to show up each day. 

The arguments for staying put are clear and I have repeated them every single day for the last 8 years.  The arguments in favor of doing something new (and, as of now, unknown) are not so clear.  But moving into uncharted territory is something I have done before.  I remember having a similar feeling when I left the LDS church and also when I got divorced.  Those were scary things to do, but I was so much happier after I did them.  When I think about doing something new, I feel lighter, happier, and more hopeful.

I also know that looking for a job will go much better if I am in a place of peace and positivity.  I plan to leverage the power of the universe (I know that is a bold statement) to move in the direction of the life I want to be living.  I don't know how long it will take, but it feels possible.

I feel happy to even have a glimmer of hope and to start moving in a new direction.  I plan to write more often and really move towards the things that bring me to life.


  1. I am thrilled about the possibilities that await! Cheers to speaking your intention and putting trust in your heartfelt desires! Wahoo!

    1. Thank you for your encouragement. It is time for me to exercise more faith, less angst.